STOP BATTLING, START ACCEPTING DEPRESSION: A Letter to My Psychologist

Dear Psychologist,

In June, I came to this clinic with difficulties adjusting to the stressful situations in my life. I discovered that I suffer from depression. I was dealing with academic stress and could not fit into the environment. I did not have much social support and even when I do, people may still not understand. They often say “What is there to worry about?” or “Get yourself together. Find something to do!”

These words never help. Sometimes they even kill.

I realise people like to point fingers at others and tell them what they should do, with no understanding of the matters the victims are really going through. Many of them do not have bad intentions for doing this. They believe wholeheartedly that their ways will help those suffering from depression. But this is sometimes not the case.

What I really found out after this long journey is acceptance. When you feel depressed, do not deny it. Embrace the fact that you may be more vulnerable to depression because of your DNA, family history, or how your brain is wired. It is important to accept and embrace it before you can start the so-called ‘self-redemption’. It is okay to feel distressed as we have many thoughts going through our brain every second. They might come, stay for a while, and go. We cannot decide our DNA but we can decide how to re-wire our thinking. When something bad or something you think is bad happens, you can alter your thinking to lead to a more positive outcome. Think about the positive consequences that may happen and you will usually feel differently. I want to thank the psychologist who really helped me to recover. Yet, the recovery process never ends.

Battling depression and other mental health issues is a long battle. Emotions come back, so depression will too. In the next phase of my life, I foresee new obstacles, nasty things, and challenges. However, I think I can continue to learn how best to overcome them. I may have other mental health issues too, but as long as I know how to help myself, I am confident it will be fine and I will recover.

Sincerely,

Your Patient

Disclaimer:
This letter has been edited to protect the patient’s identity but it maintains the patient’s originality.

From the Psychologist’s Desk

As clinical psychologists, we would have worked with many patients on a similar recovery journey like the one described in this letter. Even with the same diagnosis, patients often present with a different set of symptoms and life stories. With this patient’s consent, we wish to share his insight to the public in hope that we can raise awareness and, ultimately, instill hope. This was a letter that was shared with me during our final session. In the beginning, he was struggling to manage academic stress and started to develop depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts that manifested as mental images of his own death. He felt both helpless and hopeless in a rat race where he thought he could never accomplish his goals.

Nevertheless, he took a leap of faith and came for regular therapy with great compliance and motivation. In the course of six months, he has gained deep insight and ample coping skills to manage his depression. More importantly, he adopted an open attitude and embraced depression as it is. During our sessions, he never thought of merely battling depression but aimed to understand what it is and learn how to manage it. I will always remember the quote he shared, “There isn’t always a solution to everything”. Is that not a perfect depiction of true acceptance?

This article was published on 'Singapore Psychologist', a quarterly flagship magazine by the Singapore Psychological Society. For the full magazine, visit https://singaporepsychologicalsociety.org/singapore-psychologist/ .